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Handling Despair and Adaptation |
| Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist
The survivor has come a long way in this journey of loss. He or she has come to accept the new definition of herself. Survivors, at this point, are bracing to encounter the new situation in which they know life has to go on without the loved one. They realize that the children, other family members, and friends too are there who need their attention as well. Some of them may have been a good support during this time. Survivors recognize that they are grieving too. Survivors now want to be there for others and feel now it's their turn to take responsibility for themselves, express their gratitude, and give others a little caring and attention in return. Survivors can now be identified as entering the phase of reorganization and reattachment. They now recognize the need to learn new skills and assume new responsibilities to fill the gap created by the loss. A female survivor may have to become a wage earner for the first time, handle the finances, make business decisions, and be the father as well as the mother to her children. A male survivor may have to learn to cook, do unaccustomed household chores, and be the mother as well as the father to them. Learning of the new skills and assuming new responsibilities can be very helpful in the recovery process. It reduces the apprehension and the anxiety about thoughts such as, "What is going to follow next? How am I going to handle all these new situations?" If survivors are lacking confidence at this point, they may start developing some. If their self-image has been impaired by the loss, the growing competence may help to bolster it. The more successful the survivors are in learning these new roles and skills, the more independent and confident they are likely to feel. Needless to say that everyone doesn't face up to the demands of the new situation right away. Some survivors, to begin with, may have poor coping skills or, they may have been extremely sequestered in their life. Some feel so scared by the thought of new tasks and responsibilities, they unawaringly rush in to inappropriate relationships. On the other hand, some, as they succeed and as their initiative and confidence returns with this newly gained success, may get impatient and hastily push away the people who are offering them valuable support. SOCIAL INTERACTION: QUESTION OF REMARRIAGE:
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