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Worry Casts Long Shadows |
| Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D
"Worry casts long shadows of small things," a Swedish proverb says. We, worriers, are like small children who take shadows for real objects and get scared. The old meaning of "to worry" was "to gnaw," that is, to cut, bite, and wear away bit by bit. Such is the work of worrying on the worrier's sense of inner security and peace of mind. Worrying has a somewhat repetitive and obsessive quality about it. Worrier is obsessed with the negative outcomes and pitfalls and "ruminates" over them. Worrying, like rumination, is to chew over and over again what has already been chewed. Hallowell, a psychiatrist and author of "Driven To Distraction" fame says that worrying is the disease of imagination. A worrier imagines every misfortune that might befall, errors, accidents, and all possible things that can go wrong What to do about worrying? Carl Jung once said that you
can't change anything unless you accept it. So don't deny or hide
your worrying. Talk about how exactly you worry, reason, and think
to multiply the possibilities of what can go wrong. Do constructive
thinking. Get facts that contradict your apprehensions. For
example, "Why should I worry about boss firing me. Boss told me just
today that I am doing a great job."
Once your entire mind gets involved with worrying thoughts, you are in the "worry grip" that you can't relax for next several hours or the whole night. Those few seconds are critical to break the chain because as your mind gets involved in it, body too gets involved. Body starts pumping adrenaline under pressure which keeps fueling worrying thoughts non stop. As soon as you catch the first worry thought, challenge it. Say
something positive to yourself right away. Offer yourself the facts
that negate a low negative possibility. Give counter evidence of
what your worry thought is asking you to imagine. Challenge "what
if" thoughts with "so what" or "how so" thoughts. Reverse the tables on
your worry thoughts; imagine all possible outcomes instead of the negative
outcomes.
In some cases, worrying is just a symptom of an anxiety disorder, depressive
disorder, or a result of a deeply painful life event, such as betrayal
of trust, abandonment, severe humiliation or abuse. Get an evaluation
for a possible underlying disorder. If there is a traumatic event
in your past that keeps gnawing at you, work through it with a counselor.
Sometimes, the way to overcome pain is through it and not around it.
For example, you often hear the profundity, "what is in the name?" Well, name is wealth. Once a person has made a "name," he or she can sell it, literally, for millions of dollars. Popular athletes, singers, actors, and other celebrities generate enormous wealth by endorsing products and giving permission to use their name. If we really like a person, we are prepared to give him or her some of what we have. Once our basic needs are satisfied, we spend money largely for fondness of, or recognition received from other people. Individuals and corporate America successfully market and cash in on our preferences and public appeal. Many business pundits claim that the biggest asset of a company is not its physical assets, but its "reputation," that is, people's perception of, and their feeling about that company. Billions of dollars are spent in protecting reputation and building goodwill which exists purely in the minds of people, giving a new meaning to the saying, "It's all in the mind." Money is first generated in the mind and then it is "materialized" in the physical form. Consumer research indicates that a buyer has to like a sales person
in order to buy from him or her. If you don't like a sales person
you won't buy regardless of the quality of the product he or she is trying
to sell. As a sales person, your success depends on your personal
likeability, trustworthiness, and the confidence you inspire in your
prospective buyers. In all professions, businesses, and jobs, it
is the personal qualities and characteristics, skills, and knowledge that
bring success and wealth. Such is the power of personal wealth.
This reminds me of a story from the Middle East. In the story, one night, Mullah Nasiruddin, the "wise idiot" is looking for a lost "dinar" (Persian money) under the street light-post. A passer-by joins Mullah in his search, but the dinar is not to be found. The passer-by finally asks Mullah, "Where exactly did you drop the dinar?" Mullah points to a corner on the other side of the street The totally confused passer-by asks Mullah, "Then, why on earth are you looking for it, here?" Mullah answers, "Because, it's dark over there." A lot of us, like the Mullah, avoid looking for wealth inside because there is more light outside. We look at what everyone else is doing, so we can do the same. That is a formula for mediocrity. A creative entrepreneur who has amassed many "first-time" honors to his credit, advises, "Look at what everyone else is doing and do something else." Let that "something" be what comes to you naturally, what you are cut out for, and what you are good at. That will be your "thing." If you do your thing, you are more likely to succeed in your endeavor. Your characteristics, qualities, skills, and style, constitute
a combination that is truly unique. Were there 55 billion people
on this earth, there was a chance that someone out there would be like
you. We don't have 55 billion people on this planet, as yet.
So we will all remain unique in our life-time. In the following article
I will discuss the techniques by which you can identify your unique personal
assets. Remember everyone has a secret wealth. Your secret
wealth is you!
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