![]() |
Avoid Self-Defeating Thoughts |
Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D During this mental health month I encourage you to become more aware of what you think about all day long. As you become more aware of your thought patterns, pay special attention to the patterns that are self-defeating and distort the reality of the world around you. Here are some thought patterns identified by psychologists which impair our ability to take appropriate action or maintain satisfying relationships: Mind reading: you assume you know what others are thinking in their mind, for example, "My boss thinks I'm an idiot." You may feel so sure of your ability to read minds that even if your boss pays you a compliment about how smart you are, you say to yourself, "Oh sure! I know what you really think of me." At times, I tell my clients, "I'm only a psychologist, not a mind reader. So tell me what you're thinking" Fortune telling: you predict future negative outcomes, sometimes, even
before you begin an undertaking, for example, "I'll fail that exam" or,
"Things are alright now, but something will soon happen to mess things
up." And, when something does go wrong (as things often do) you acclaim,
"I knew it." Thus, your belief in your fortune telling ability becomes
so strong that next time you don't even bother to try.
Negative labeling: originates from our childhood habit of nicknaming.
You give yourself and others negative labels: "I am a flop" and then you
act like one; "He's a rotten man," then, you relate to that person as if
he really is, therefore, no wonder that he acts like one.
Negative focusing: you focus almost exclusively on negatives, "I can
never do anything right," or "He never has anything positive to say about
me." Dismissing positives and focusing on negatives, which often
go hand in hand, are two thieves that will rob you of your happiness.
All-or-nothing thinking: It is also called "black and white thinking."
For example, you believe a person or a thing is either all good or all
bad. The truth is that everyone has some good and some bad and the
proportions of that mix may vary from one person to the other.
Personalizing: You disproportionately, inaccurately, or unjustifiably blame yourself for negative outcomes, for example: "My parents divorced. It's my fault," or "The marriage ended. It's all my fault." Blanming: You disproportionately, inaccurately, or unjustifiably blame
others for negative outcomes and refuse to take responsibility for changing
yourself, for example, "She's to blame for the way I feel," or, "My parents
caused all my problem."
Unfair comparison: You make comparisions without enough information to know whether you are comparing apples with apples, for example, "Everybody is going about their life steadily and having a good time, and look at me!" You don't know enough about what's really going on in their lives. Interestingly, many people who think in this way won't swap their life for anyone else's.
Return to Self Help Copyright 1996, Mind Publications
|